


When It Rains

by crowleyhasfeels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Feels, Friends to Lovers, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-25
Updated: 2020-07-25
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:13:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25512616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowleyhasfeels/pseuds/crowleyhasfeels
Summary: Castiel hates when it rains. But he loves when Dean shows up in his bed. If only it weren't because of the horrible things that were happening to his best friend. But no matter how many times Dean shows up at his door, Castiel can't help but let him into his bed.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Castiel/Meg Masters
Comments: 16
Kudos: 173





	When It Rains

**Author's Note:**

> There are mentions of abuse in the story. You have been warned.

**2001 – Age 17**

Castiel wanted to love the rain. He wanted to love the way the water sounded as it tapped against the roof or against the window. He wanted to love the way the grass smelt or even the soil from beneath. He even wanted to love the tapping sound of the tree beside his window or the way it would occasionally scrap at the glass when the wind would pick up. But he could not get any joy out of these sounds. Instead, they put him on alert and kept his eyes open for Dean. He did not always show up with the rain, but the odds were always in favor of his arrival.

Dean had been his best friend since first grade. At first, things were great. Dean was fun and full of life. He was the happiest kid Castiel had ever met. It had been the first thing that Castiel had noticed about him. But that all changed during the summer between first and second grade. Dean’s mother died. She had a brain aneurysm. It was sudden and unavoidable. Dean had been the one to find her. And even though John Winchester never said it out loud, Dean was certain his father blamed his for his mother’s death. He did not find her quick enough. But even if John did not blame Dean, Castiel knew for certain that Dean blamed himself.

Not long after his mother’s death, Dean’s father began drinking. It started slowly as any other addiction does, but soon, very little time would pass between drinks and John was in a permanent state of intoxicated. The more he drank, the angrier he became. At first, his anger presented in the form of yelling but not long after did he get a taste of what smacking Dean around felt like. Once he got that taste, he never wanted to let it go.

That is why Castiel hated it when it rained. Something about the rain caused John to drink just a little more and those were the nights the beatings were the worst. So, he watched for Dean. And, as much as he wished Dean would not have to show up, it was always a breath of fresh air when he did. It meant that Dean was alive. All Castiel cared about at the end of the day was whether Dean was alive.

_Tap Tap Tap_

The light tapping on Castiel’s window could have easily been mistaken for the tree, but he knew better. Dean was always sure not to make very much noise. He stayed at Castiel’s house frequently, more so now that his brother had been shipped off to boarding school, which Dean complained about but was secretly grateful for. Sam got away. But Dean made Castiel promise, a long time ago, that he would not tell anyone what was going on in his life. Castiel did not want to keep that secret, but Dean begged until he agreed and kept the secret. Which is why on these nights, Dean had to sneak in. Outside of his brother Sam, Castiel was the only person Dean trusted in this world. Castiel could not take that way from his as well.

Castiel crawled out of bed and made his way across his room, quickly pulling the window open so Dean could crawl in. He then made his way over to his dresser and grabbed the towel and change of clothes that he had prepared. Dean took them from him and silently stripped off his clothes, dried off the best he could and changed. Once Dean was situated, the made their way over to Castiel’s bed and climbed in, not a single word exchanged between the two of them.

Castiel waited for Dean to get settled and then moved to spoon Dean from behind. Dean lifted his head so Castiel could put one arm under his neck, while his other hand wrapped around his waist, tightening to hold him as close to him as he could. Then Dean cried. He always cried. Stray tears streaked Castiel’s face as well but he tried to hold it together. It was not his time to cry. It was Dean’s. So, he held Dean and let him cry until he fell asleep wrapped in Castiel’s arms.

When Castiel woke the next morning, Dean was gone. It was now Castiel’s turn to cry.

**2006 – Age 22**

Castiel watched Meg at the foot of his bed, slowly stripping out of her clothes. They had been dating for almost a year and it was moments like this that made him wonder. Meg was beautiful, he body was pale in comparison to her dark hair and it gave her an otherworldly kind of beauty. And she was all his. But even now, watching her strip down in front of him, he could not seem to feel the things he knew he was supposed to feel. He was supposed to be excited, the prospect of sex is certain, but his mind was still able to wonder. Maybe he didn’t love her as much as he told himself that he did.

_Tap Tap Tap_

Both Castiel and Meg jumped by the knock coming from the front door of Castiel’s apartment. It was two in the morning and storming outside. There was no need for anyone to be at the door. Which meant that it was Dean. The number of nights Dean showed up at Castiel’s house when it rained became less and less over the years. Dean no longer lived with his father. But sometimes, just the sound of rain was enough to put Dean in a panic and Castiel seemed to be the only one who could calm him down.

“If that is Dean,” Meg began, reaching down and grabbing for her clothes, “I am going to be pissed, Clarence.”

Castiel climbed out of bed, grabbing his boxers and sweatpants. He slipped them on clumsily as he made his way to the front door, Meg quickly appearing right behind him. He knew that an argument was going to come out of this, but he didn’t care. He wasn’t going to leave Dean standing outside in the rain.

When Castiel pulled open the door, his heart broke. He should be used to the sight and feelings that came along with seeing his best friend’s tear-streaked face, but it never became easier. It was never going to get easier.

“Dean,” Castiel spoke in almost a whisper.

Castiel held open the door and Dean stepped in, only to pause and look between the two people who were now looking him over. Meg was never usually there when Dean showed up in the middle of the night.

“I am sorry,” Dean apologized, beginning to step back outside into the rain, but Castiel grabbed his arm and stopped him. “I did not mean to interrupt your evening. I can come back tomorrow maybe.”

“Please, don’t go,” Castiel’s voice all but begged.

“Dude,” Meg spoke, startling Castiel. He had forgotten she was standing behind him. “You look like someone ran over your dog.”

“Meg,” Castiel glared at his girlfriend. “There is no need to be rude.”

“Whatever Clarence,” she scoffed. “I can see that Dean here needs your undivided attention. I guess I will be the one that comes back tomorrow.”

“You don’t have to leave,” Dean said as he shuffled on his feet. “I can go. It really isn’t that important.”

“No,” Castiel told Dean before turning back to Meg. “I will call you later okay. I promise.”

“Whatever,” Meg sighed, but she leaned in and gave him a quick kiss that in her own way showed him that she would forgive him for the interruption. “See you tomorrow. Sorry about your dog or whatever.”

“Thanks,” Dean responded, a look of confusion on his face but no one pushed the subject any further.

Once Meg is gone, they remain silent. Dean follows Castiel into his room and Castiel finds Dean and towel and a pair of dry clothes to change into. Once Dean is changed, Castiel turns off the light and they crawl into Castiel’s bed. Castiel waits for the signal from Dean and wraps his arms around his best friend, holding him tight. Even though Castiel knows that Dean is no longer getting abused from his father, he never questions why Dean shows up, or why he needs this. Castiel doesn’t care though. Nothing in him ever wants Dean to stop showing up at his door and ending up in his bed. In a twisted way, Castiel always seems to need these moments just as much as Dean does.

Dean doesn’t cry this time. Instead, they both lie there, listening to the other breathing. The silence between them saying more than words could. But the silence didn’t last. Castiel could hear the creaks but his mind couldn’t seem to place where any of the sound was coming from, his only concern being Dean. So, when his bedroom door slammed open and the light flicked on, he barely had time to react.

“I forgot my,” Meg began but then stopped, her eyes falling onto her boyfriend and his best friend wrapped up in bed together. “What the actual fuck Castiel?”

“Meg,” Castiel let go of Dean and scrambled to get to his feet. “It’s not what you think?”

“It’s not what I think?” Meg yelled. “How the fuck is my boyfriend curled up in bed with another guy, not what I think? I trusted you. How could you cheat on me?”

“I did not cheat on you,” Castiel promised. “This is not what you think if you will just let me explain.”

“Right, you two aren’t sleeping together.”

“Well, yes, we are,” Castiel looked between her and Dean. “But that is it. We aren’t together or having sex. We are just sleeping.”

“This is not okay,” Meg’s voice dropped. “Best friends don’t just sleep with each other. You know this isn’t right.”

“It isn’t wrong either,” Castiel defended. He didn’t believe that anything he was doing with Dean was wrong.

“Well, it needs to stop,” Meg yelled again, her eyes narrowing in on Dean, who was still sitting beneath the covers on Castiel’s bed. “We can’t be in a relationship if you are doing this.”

“Okay,” Castiel agreed.

“Oh,” he could hear Dean whisper and it broke his heart. Dean was taking this the wrong way.

“I think you should leave now,” Castiel sighed.

“Okay,” Dean responded.

“No.” Castiel turned to face Meg. “Not Dean. I think you need to leave, Meg.”

“What? Are you breaking up with me?”

“It appears so,” Castiel confirmed. “I would like you to please leave now.”

Meg looks between both men again before turning and storming out of his house, even going as far as slamming the door behind her.

“Cas,” Dean finally speaks, but Cas raises his hand to stop him.

“I just need a minute.”

Castiel composes himself and makes his way into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He turns on the water, leaning forward and grabbing handfuls of it to splash into his face. The last thirty minutes felt like a blur and his world was spinning. But at the same time, there was a relief that settled upon him. Meg being gone was good. He didn’t love her, and she deserved better.

Taking a few more deep breaths, Castiel was ready to go back out and resume his night. Dean had needed him and he was going to be there for Dean. Nothing was standing in his way anymore.

“I am so sorry about this, Dean,” Castiel apologized as he entered his room.

But there was no response. His bed was empty. Dean was gone.

_____

Castiel got dressed as soon as he realized Dean was gone. He was not going to let Dean feel like any of this was his fault and he was certain his best friend was already blaming himself. Dean had too many things in his life he blamed himself for, Castiel’s failed relationship was not going to be one of them.

“Dean,” Castiel called out as he banged on Dean’s apartment door.

He had been knocking for ten whole minutes. He knew Dean was in there, his car was parked out front and he could hear music coming from Dean’s room. He tried to use his kept to get in but Dean had locked the chain lock and unless Castiel felt compelled enough to break it, he could not get in.

“Please, Dean,” Castiel called through the small crack he could make in the door. “The neighbors are starting to get angry at me. Please let me in.”

That seemed to be enough to get Dean’s attention. He’d had enough noise complaints because of his music, he didn’t need another one and Castiel selfishly used that to his advantage. Hopefully, the neighbors were not truly angry with him. He didn’t want this mess to be the reason Dean also lost his apartment, as shitty as the apartment was.

“Cas, please,” Dean said as he opened the door. “I don’t think I can do this right now.”

“Dean,” Castiel let out what sounded like a whimper, when had he ever whimpered.

Before he could say anything else, the tears fell. Castiel had been coming over to comfort Dean, to tell him that none of this was his fault. How that had turned into Dean standing in his living room, crying for who knows what reason, Castiel was at a loss.

“Come here.”

Dean reached out and took a hold of Castiel’s hand, leading him in the direction of his bedroom. This time it was Dean who got Castiel a towel and a dry change of clothes. This time it was Dean who waited for Castiel to get settled before wrapping his arms around him and pulling him close.

“Cas,” Dean whispered once silence had taken over the room.

“Yeah?”

“Why did you break up with her?” Dean asked. “You loved her.”

“No,” Castiel shook his head as he answered. “I never loved her. She was just a place holder.”

That was it. That was all she was. She was someone to hold in his beds on the nights that Dean did not show up for him to hold. She was the person to spend his time with when Dean was busy or they were taking a couple of days, because friends didn’t spend every waking moment together, even though he wanted Dean to be with him constantly. She was just holding Dean’s place.

“For what?”

Castiel wasn’t sure if he could answer the question. He did not want to lose his best friend because he had feelings for him. He had been in love with Dean since first grade and if he could not have admitted it throughout all the years the had spent together, how could he admit it now. Now would be nothing more than painful. But Dean had asked, and Dean deserved the truth.

“For you,” Castiel answered, holding his breath for the blowout that was about to follow.

But Dean didn’t say anything. Castiel had messed up, this was proof of it. Dean didn’t know how to tell him that he was not interested.

“Dean,” Castiel finally turned around to face his best friend. It was at that moment he realized they both had tears in their eyes. Why was Dean crying? Was it because he just realized that he was going to lose his best friend?

“De..” Castiel started again but was cut off when Dean leaned forward and captured Castiel’s mouth with his own. Castiel stayed frozen for a minute, his mind trying to catch up with what was happening, but as Dean continued to kiss him, he relaxed, kissing Dean back slowly.

The kisses were slow and soft, as they explored each other’s mouths. They continued on like this for a while, until Dean’s hand slid down Castiel’s side and gripped at his hip. Castiel couldn’t hold back anymore. He leaned into Dean, kissing him hard. Dean kissed back with just as much fire, his tongue darting out and pushing at Castiel’s lips until he opened his mouth and allowed Dean inside. It became messy and frantic and exactly how Castiel had imagined it would be with them, only better.

Dean’s hand moved down from Castiel’s thigh and settles between then. A small moan escapes Castiel’s lips as it brushes against his penis, the only thing separating Dean’s and himself being a thin piece of fabric. He’d imagined touching Dean and having Dean touching him many times, but now that it was happening, his brain couldn’t function.

“Is this okay?” Dean whispered, his lips hot against the side of Castiel’s mouth.

“Definitely,” Cas sighed out his response. Everything about this moment was okay. It was perfect.

“Take them off,” Dean instructed Castiel, no longer questioning the moment.

Castiel pulled himself back and reached down between them, slipping his fingers into the waistband of Dean’s boxers that he was wearing and working to pull them down his body. Dean mimicked his actions, removing his own boxers and tossing them out of the bed and somewhere off onto the floor. Castiel did the same. This couldn’t be happening.

“I’m going to touch you now,” Dean said with a smile and another kiss to Castiel’s lips.

Castiel nodded his agreement, words being something he couldn’t make at the moment.

Dean reached back down between them and slowly stroked Castiel’s penis between his fingers, causing Castiel’s head to fall into the pillow, a moan rumbling in his chest. Slowly, almost too slowly, Dean stroked him, running his hand along Castiel’s length and then wrapping it around the tip to gather the pre-cum that had formed to use as lube before running his hand back down the length.

“Dean,” Castiel moaned, his hips lightly bucking forward into his best friend's hand.

“I’ve got you,” Dean promised, shifting to get closer. It was then that Dean slipped his penis between his hand as well, holding them together as he continued with the slow strokes. “I’ve always got you.”

This was what heaven felt like. Castiel knew it. Even though it was not a pace he would normally get excited with, it was explosive and set his body on fire.

“Dean,” Castiel whimpered. “I’m not going to last.”

“That’s okay,” Dean leaned in and kissed his again, his hand speeding up as their lips met. “I’ve got you, baby.”

“Yes, Dean,” Castiel cried out, his orgasm hitting him so hard that his breath caught in his chest and for a moment he couldn’t breathe.

“Fuck,” Dean moaned moments later. Castiel could feel the warmth of Dean’s release hit against his stomach and penis as Dean continued to stroke them through his own orgasm.

They kissed slowly again. He was not sure how long it lasted, but he never wanted it to end. He never wanted any of this to end. But all good things come to an end and soon, Dean was pulling away. He wanted to reach out, hold him against his body and never let him go but he remained still.

Castiel laid against Dean’s bed, looking up at the ceiling while Dean disappeared into the bathroom and came back with a wet cloth to clean them both up with. Once they were clean, Dean tossed the cloth to the basket in the corner and crawled back in bed behind Castiel, but he did not wrap his arms around Castiel the way he had expected to.

“Uh, Cas,” Dean spoke, a slight stutter in his voice.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Castiel interrupted him. He didn’t want Dean to have to explain any of this to him. Castiel was a big boy. He knew that Dean did not want this from him but got lost in the moment. He was happy to have the moment they shared but knew it was a fluke in their way of life. “You don’t have to explain, I understand.”

“You understand what?” Dean questioned, grabbing Castiel’s arm and forcing him to turn so that he had to look Dean in the eyes. “What is it you think you understand?”

“That while you enjoyed this,” Castiel started but had to stop, he knew he was going to cry again, he needed to not cry. “That we are best friends and you don’t want this to ruin our friendship.”

“Well, yeah,” Dean laughed, which only made Castiel want to cry worse than before. “I agree with all of that. I enjoyed this, like wow. And I also do not want this to ruin our friendship because you being my best friend is the only thing in life that matters. But that is not what I was going to say.”

“It’s not?”

“No,” Dean answered, leaning forward and softly pressing his lips to Castiel’s in a short but sweet kiss. “It’s not.”

“What were you going to say?”

“I was just going to say that, I love you too,” Dean answered. “I always have.” 


End file.
